Eternally dancing
by Misura
Summary: [CxA] As Schuldich observes Aya and Crawford in a fight, he makes a fateful decision. [finished]
1. Beauty

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya 

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 5th march 2003, by Misura

**********

Beautiful.

That is the first word that comes to mind when I think of the two people I'm watching.

They know I'm there of course, or at least they should.

It's not like I try to hide or anything.

In the, shall we say, heat of battle though they might have forgotten me.

And the other persons looking at them.

They are completely wrapt up in their own small world, in which a mistake might be fatal.

We, the onlookers, don't dare to interfere for exactly that reason.

Of course, it's also a lot more entertaining to watch the spectacle than to try and kill someone, who'll probably return the favor and get your clothes dirty.

But that's just my personal opinion.

Beautiful.

Red hair flying and amethyst eyes burning.

There's a rare passion in those eyes, that normally show so little of the soul behind them.

A desire to kill, the fires of hatred.

A wish to cherish, the dangerous longing for someone to understand.

He moves like a cat showing of his suppleness and gracefulness.

A born dancer, and a pleasure to watch.

Far too easy to forget how lethal he can be if he chooses.

Currently he chooses not to.

Make no mistake ; if he could he would still kill his partner. 

But it's not his aim, he doesn't dance to end a life.

He dances for the dance's sake. Because he enjoys it.

Beautiful in a different way is the other person I'm watching.

Nothing reminding you of fire here, no visible feelings.

Cold eyes, giving nothing away about the person behind them.

His moves are economic, just enough to prevent the other one's katana from touching him.

And yet he too moves with grace. With beauty.

And yet he too doesn't kill, doesn't intend to do so either.

While their dance nears its ending, the shields around his mind grow weaker, revealing what's behind them, hidden for most other people.

I can see now but I know it will not be for long.

Maybe they once really hated eachother, I don't know.

It's highly unlikely it was like this from the beginning.

Hatred can become obsession, obsession can turn into lust. Or love, if you prefer.

Two people, thought of by most people as utterly cold and heartless, both tortured by such strong feelings.

Naturally neither of them admits to having them.

Denial though can never be maintained forever.

Especially not when a certain bored telepath is in a match-making kind of mood and more than willing to help two poor souls along.

I don't expect them to thank me for it, but watching them will make my efforts more than worthwhile, I'm sure. 

And it would be such a shame, such a waste if they just kept up this act.

If they just kept on dancing eternally, never touching, never reaching out to eachother.

I can't allow that to happen.

A last look, and then the inevitable words of departure.

*****

: Schuldich, get moving! We're leaving. Weiss will not be able to complete their mission ; Nagi and Farfarello have already escorted the intended victim to safety. :

Excuse me please, I have to leave now.

I'm a busy person, you know.

So many minds to read, twist and influence.

So many rights to wrong, and wrongs to right.

No wonder I get headaches on such a regular base.

~OWARI~

Endnote : Or maybe tbc? I actually like Crawford x Schuldich better than Crawford x anyone else.


	2. Dreams

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, violence/death (in a dream only)

[!] Spoilers : Aya's name, Aya (if you don't understand what I mean by this, this chapter will spoil)

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 12th march 2003, by Misura

__

italics indicate events in dreaming.

**********

Dreams.

It is said they are the products of the subconscious mind.

At Rosenkreuz I was specifically told not to mess with them.

Dreams are dangerous, especially when they're not your own.

I think this one warning of all they gave us was meant to be taken seriously.

Which was enough reason for me not to do so.

Dreams can tell you much about a person, I discovered, though not in a very direct way.

Dreams can give you an unique opportunity to influence a person by making small changes to them, though the results may not always be what you aimed for.

I want to see what Aya dreams about. 

And so I surprise everyone by going to bed early.

*****

__

He was standing on an endless gray plain. 

Hearing a soft sound behind him, he spun around, drawing his katana.

He knew whom he would face, whom he would fight.

Snake-like eyes looked into his own.

"I will kill you." he whispered.

There was no reply but the drawing of another katana.

*****

I admit the prospect of seeing Reiji Takatori getting killed by Aya was one of the reasons why I chose to look into his dreams before Crawford's.

He may pay me, but that doesn't mean I have to like him.

Aya seems to enjoy making things difficult for himself, at least on a subconscious level.

Their fight seems to take quite some time, though time in dreams is very relative.

When Takatori actually wounds Aya, I start to get a bit worried.

*****

__

The blood slowly trinkled down his arm.

He looked at his enemy, who smirked.

"I killed your family already, only you and your sister survived. Now I will kill you too. Your sister will never wake up again, and if she does, she will have no one to protect her."

He felt hope slipping through his fingers like sand.

"I will kill you."

He had been so sure he could defeat this person.

"I will kill your sister."

But all his training had been for nothing. He would die here.

*****

By this time I am seriously worried ; this is not how things are supposed to go!

I can understand you'd want the most important kill of your life to be a bit of a challenge.

This, however, goes much further.

I can't believe he's going to get himself killed, if only in a dream.

*****

__

"Noooo!"

He lunged at his enemy, moving by instinct rather than by mind.

The move was unexpected enough to catch the other man off guard. 

His katana connected.

And all of a sudden, he was no longer on the defensive.

*****

Contrary to what you might think now, I had absolutely nothing to do with this sudden turn of events. I don't change dreams the first time I see them.

Aya keeps driving Takatori back, untill he finally manages to run him through completely.

Of course, this wound is not serious enough to keep the jerk from uttering some last words.

I don't worry much ; what can he possibly say that means anything to Aya?

*****

__

His enemy stared at him with large eyes, slowly falling to the ground.

The wounds he had not felt before now started hurting again, but it mattered nothing.

He had won!

"Ran..."

He looked down on his defeated enemy.

Who no longer wore the same face.

"Ran..."

Long brown hair, sweet eyes, that looked at him lovingly even now.

His sister.

For whom he had killed. For whom he had lived.

He did not know how this was possible, how he could have mistaken the person he loved most for the person he hated most. 

He knelt down weeping at the cruelty of fate.

"Ran....I love you....You were.... great to have....as a brother."

And then she died.

*****

We both scream as he awakes.

Due to the intense feeling connected with the dream I still linger in his mind, hearing someone banging on the door. 

"Aya-kun, are you all right?"

Bombay, polite as ever.

"Hn."

Amazingly this is accepted as a sufficient answer to the question.

"Ah, okay then. Sorry I disturbed you."

"Hn."

I hear footsteps departing.

As soon as neither of us is able to hear them anymore, Aya drops off to sleep again, dreamless this time. Which probably means he either forgot his dream or has had it too often to be bothered by it anymore.

I can only hope it's the first option.

If he dreams like that often, I fear for his sanity.

Another thing I have to do something about is his choice of words.

I do not consider 'hn' sufficient to have a conversation.

*****

__

The two lovers-to-be are sitting in a pavillion in the middle of the park.

It is a lovely day, but somehow no one else is around. They are all by themselves.

Finally one of the two has found the courage to speak.

"I don't know how to say this, but I have been having strange feelings for you for quite some time now. At first I tried to deny them. It did not work. I think I love you."

The other one looks at him and says : "Hn."

"I would like to know if you feel something for me as well. Because if you don't, I will not bother you ever again. All I want is for you to be happy. Just tell me please, do you think we could work things out together? Do you like me at least?"

"Hn."

"Do you hate me? I could not continue living if you did, I think. Well, do you?"

"Hn."

*****

I think I'm having a bit of a hysterical seizure.

I snap out of it, when I hear someone knocking rather loudly on the door.

Maybe the sound I heard earlier wasn't just from Aya's.

"Schuldich, are you all right in there?"

Why are it always the young persons who come looking when they hear strange noises?

I walk to the door to open it. 

Though it may be a bit of a weird attitude for someone like me, I prefer to look people in the face when I talk to them.

Faces like dreams can reveal a great many things.

"Nagi, how nice of you to be so concerned. As you can see, I'm fine."

He looks at me accusingly. 

"You screamed and then you started giggling insanely. You know Crawford wouldn't like it if you got drunk or high again in this house."

I shrug. "I'm neither so I have nothing to worry about then, do I?"

Not replying he turns and walks away down to the hall, back to his own room again.

Good riddance.

I have far too many things to worry about already.

But I will do that in the morning. 

Right now I need sleep. 

I never dream.

Or maybe I do only I can't remember it in the morning.

~tbc~

Endnote : Was anyone bothered by the use of past tense for Aya's dream? It felt right when I wrote it, though it's not quite logical.


	3. Visions

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, events in dreams

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 19th march 2003, by Misura

__

italics indicate events in dreaming.

I would like to thank the persons who reviewed the first chapter of this for their words of kindness, encouragement and wisdom. They are greatly valued.

Because I'm not quite sure if I can be on-line Monday, I post this a bit earlier.

**********

Visions.

Dreams that come to you in daylight.

He, Crawford, has them, of the future and of the possible future. 

I wonder how he sees the difference.

I wonder if his dreams in the darkness of the night are like his daylight-dreams.

Ans so, after another boring day, I once again go to bed early.

Nagi looks at me curiously, not wanting to ask me anything, but desiring answers nevertheless.

A typical attitude.

I lie down and slowly reach out to find out if Crawford is asleep already.

Unlike Aya, Crawford usually is aware of people touching his mind. Even asleep.

I discovered that little fact shortly after we had first encountered Weiss.

I don't remember what it was that had me annoyed with him, only that I considered it grieving enough to contemplate a serious revenge. 

I had been ordered to check the dreams of Weiss for clues on their weaknesses at the time and I had discovered Balinese to have quite interesting dreams about four out of five times.

One time out of five he'd dream about that woman. A pity that.

Anyway, I had been experimenting with letting people dream the dreams of another person and I wanted to try the same for Crawford and Balinese.

I have had worse ideas, I'm sure.

But not many.

This time I will be more careful, more subtle. 

I close my eyes and reach out.

*****

__

He was standing in a large room with white walls and no windows.

__

In the middle of the room stood a table with a closed photostandard on it.

__

He slowly walked forward, his left hand reaching out.

__

He picked up the object on the table, to look at the picture in there.

*****

I sort of peek over Crawford's shoulder.

A redhaired beauty stares back at me.

A redhaired beauty not named Schuldich, just in case you were wondering.

It's a picture of Aya, about two or three years ago, I'd say.

I wonder how he got to have it and what happened to the original.

People don't dream about a photograph that's on their night-stand after all.

*****

__

He sighed, looking at the boy in the frame.

Forever out of his reach now.

The gap between them widening day by day, if it had ever been possible to overcome in the first place, at the first day he had seen him.

Behind him, where should have been no one, he heard someone snort, very softly.

*****

Who would have thought he'd be such a sentimentalist?

Sighing over a portrait .... like you'd have to dream to be able to do that!

*****

__

He spun around wildly.

Too late to see a face, but in time to catch a glimpse of hair in the color of blood.

Red hair, lifted by a draft.

He whispered a name, doubting.

*****

As soon as I make a noise, I know he has noticed me.

I try to get out of his dream as soon as possible, but I'm not fast enough to keep him from seeing at least part of me. And how many people would he know with red hair?

Not much difference with if he had seen my face.

If I'm very, very lucky he won't remember anything the next morning.

It's rather common for normal people to forget what they dreamt about the night before.

He's nowhere near normal, but I can hope.

If I'm not so lucky, it's been nice knowing you. 

*****

__

'Aya? Was that you?'

His voice was barely audible even to his own ears.

'Who else could it have been, with that hair-color? But how did he get here?' he asked the photo, which stared back at him, smiling but not, he knew, for him.

'Are you trying to tell me something?'

There was no answer. As usual.

His visions never were answers ; they were always questions.

Questions to which he rarely knew an answer.

~tbc~


	4. Daylight

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov [not much Schuldich in this chapter though], Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps.

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 23rd march 2003, by Misura

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions.

**********

Daylight.

The brightness which always comes, even after the darkest of nights.

Aya was grateful for it. 

To him it indicated that he too might hope for an end to his personal darkness, to his life in the shadows of the law. That one day his sister might awake to reclaim her name.

He had no pictures of her save the ones in his heart. 

"What was all the noise about last night?" Ken inquired, yawning as he walked to get some breakfast in the kitchen. "I thought I heard you screaming, but I wasn't sure."

"It was nothing." Aya replied curtly. He had no desire at all to discuss his dreams with his team-mates. That Omi knew about them because one night, he had had a moment of weakness was bad enough already.

"Whatever you say, Aya." Ken shrugged, not really surprised at the answer. He kept hoping Aya might one day actually say something to one of them, try to become friends like Ken, Yohji and Omi already were. So far he had been disappointed.

Ken Hidaka though was not a person to give up on something easily.

*****

Daylight found Brad Crawford awake and up for about two hours.

And wondering what on earth he had dreamt about last night.

There was a very vague memory, lingering at the edge of his mind, just out of reach. He had the feeling it was important, for some reason.

He sighed and went down for some more coffee.

Of course, he had to walk into Schuldich on his way to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Brad." A lazy smile. Crawford dared to bet Schuldich hadn't had any pesky annoying dreams he couldn't remember in the morning, the lucky guy.

"You can call me 'Crawford', as you know perfectly well. Good morning, Schuldich." He replied, intending the last as an end of the conversation.

Another smile. "*I* can call you Crawford? Does that mean there's someone who doesn't have to do that? Do you have secrets for me? Something you want to tell me perhaps?"

__

- flash -

__

'Schwarz! What are you doing here?'

'My name is not 'Schwarz', no more than you are named 'Weiss', Abyssinian.'

__

'My name is not Abyssinian.'

'No? Then what may I call you? Ran, perhaps?"

'Not that! You can call me .... Aya, if you have to.'

'Very well then, Aya. You can call me 'Brad', if you ever start to like me, or 'Crawford' as long as you don't like me.'

'I'll never call you 'Brad' then. I will never like you foor you belong to the dark beasts and I will hunt you down and deny you your tomorrow.'

'Don't you think you're sounding a bit over-dramatic?'

No answer.

- flash -

"No, there's nothing." Crawford replied. "Nothing I'm hiding from you."

"My my, that sounds far too good to be true." Schuldich answered smirking. "And boring too. What should I do with my free time if it isn't trying to pry your precious secrets from you?"

"Maybe you could find something useful to do for a change." Crawford snapped.

A long-suffering sigh. "You're such a grumpy person in the morning. In fact you're a grumpy person almost all day long. I don't know why I put up with it, really. I like being around cheerful people so much better."

"Go bother Nagi or Farfarello. I have no time for you this morning." 

"They're not much better than you, you know." He was talking to Crawford's back now. It felt good to talk though, so why let a small detail like that stop him? "No one in this house has any eye for the small joys life has to offer, it's a shame. And none of you ever has any time for me. Especially you. Always busy with something. While I dedicate so much of my time to trying to please you. I think you're ungrateful. But I won't let it stop me."

*****

"Aya-kun? Could I talk to you for a moment?"

He turned his head. Omi. 

"What about?"

Omi sat down and watched him finishing the arrangement.

"That dream you had last night. Was it ... the same as before?"

Aya wished he hadn't told Omi that one time. It had been a relief to tell someone about it, but now he felt uncomfortable with the other knowing. His dreams were ... private. Personal.

"Yes."

He supposed he should be glad it was Omi. Who seemed inclined to keep his secret.

"I mean, was it the one about your sister and - "

"Yes." He replied through clenched teeth, not wanting to be reminded of the other person he had dreamt about. He had only done it once or twice, but this too, he had told Omi about that night.

Because it had scared him even more than that other dream.

"Oh. I guess everything's all right then."

All right? He wanted to scream that nothing was right, everything was wrong. 

But that wouldn't solve anything either.

Too bad daylight always faded after a while. 

It never quite fulfilled its promises.

~tbc~


	5. Secrets

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps.

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 27th march 2003, by Misura

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

**********

Secrets.

Everyone has them but few admit to it.

I think, no wait, I know Crawford hides something from me.

The question is whether his secret is the secret I think it is or if it's a completely different thing.

Talking to him won't help me and as for reading his mind, well, that's not really an option either.

I hate to admit that. 

Maybe a morning of observing the other person I'm going to grant eternal happiness will cheer me up. After all, he does have the morning-shift today.

Maybe some flowers would cheer up our house a bit too.

And maybe Weiss wouldn't kill me on the spot as I walked in on them.

Not very likely though. I guess I'll have to stick with my first plan.

"I'm going out!" I shout, to no one in particular. 

Who would care about that information? It's not like anyone's going to miss me or anything.

There's no reply.

Ah well.

Let's go and see what Aya's thinking today.

*****

__

I hate my life.

__

I hate having to be here, in a shop filled with the sound of chattering.

It seems Aya's a really cheerful person. He suits Crawford.

If I can get them to get together they can be grumpy all day with eachother.

Of course, that's not my primary goal, but it's a good secondary one I think.

"Aya-kun, can you help me with this?"

"Aya-kun, I would like these flowers please?"

__

I hate Omi.

I hate girls.

Yes, he's quite the Mister Sunshine in the morning.

He actually scowls at one of the girls, who's not buying anything.

Crawford rarely descends to that ; he prefers glaring, another one of Aya's favorite activities.

One reserved for his teammates it seems.

"I need a break now, not in another fifteen minutes!"

"Uhm, Aya? Sorry but I broke another vase."

__

I hate Yohji.

And Ken too.

And then people say I'm not sociable. Tsk.

I put a picture of Crawford in his mind, just to see what happens.

You never know ...

__

I -

...if maybe actually ...

__

-hate-

...he knows he's in love.

__

-Brad.

Brad?

~tbc~


	6. Hatred

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps.

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 2nd april 2003, by Misura

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

This is mainly a rehash of Aya's morning, only from his own pov.

**********

Hatred.

It coursed through Aya, choking him, shocking him with its intensity.

His knuckles were white, while his face remained passive.

He wondered why he felt this way ; maybe the dreams were having more of an impact on him than he cared to admit.

"Aya-kun, can you help me with this?" Omi's voice cut through his reveries.

The interruption annoyed him.

__

This is ridiculous ; it's just Omi asking for assistance. 

He sighed and walked over to where Omi was having trouble with carrying the newly arrived flowers. He was rewarded with a brief smile.

"Thanks, Aya-kun. I'll be less ambitious next time."

He nodded in reply, going back to the arrangement he had been trying to work on.

"Aya-kun, I would like these flowers please?"

His head snapped up. The girl who had adressed him stumbled back a bit, surprised by the look in his eyes. 

__

There are four of us working in here. Why does she have to pick me?

She held out the bouquet she had picked like it was a shield and smiled tentatively.

__

At least she knows how I despise people who just come here to look and don't buy.

He rose and accepted her money for the flowers. As he handed her her change she let her hand linger a little while longer than necessary in his, causing another wave of dark feelings to wash over him. It made him uneasy. 

__

Do I have so little self-control as to get upset over such a small thing?

"I need a break now, not in another fifteen minutes!" Yohji complained.

Aya was sure the blond hadn't actually done anything useful all morning. He always was the last one to show up for work, seldom in time, and the first to disappear at breaks.

Still, the man was certainly of use on missions.

As he was about to reply to Yohji's remark, Aya heard a crash from the backroom that caused all customers to cry out worriedly. A moment later Ken appeared looking sheepishly at Aya.

"Uhm, Aya? Sorry but I broke another vase."

Some of the girls started to giggle. Aya sighed. 

__

Why does Ken have to be so clumsy?

Like Yohji, Ken too seemed to be a completely different person on his 'other job'. As Siberian he was lethally precise, hardly ever making a mistake. As Ken-kun from the flowershop though, he seemed a complete klutz.

Aya had to admit he too wasn't perfect (not that he'd say that to his teammembers, but in private he knew it was true) but at least he was consistent. Abyssinnian was just the same as Aya-kun.

Cold and distant. Efficient and precise.

He returned his attention to the flowers he was trying to arrange as an unwanted image popped up in his head. Coffee-brown eyes looked at himfrom behind glasses, mild disapproval in them.

A sensation Aya didn't care to investigate spread from his stomach to his head, making the blood come rushing to his cheeks. He bended closer to the arrangement to hide his furious blush.

__

I don't care about him at all! He's the enemy, only slightly better than Takatori.

'Oh, really?' a small voice inside his head said. 'Then why can you hardly wait to see him in person again? Why do you keep having that dream, you know the one in which you told Omi he was raping you? You know that's a lie ; he was only doing something you wanted him to do.'

"No." he whispered. "No, that's not true."

*****

Crawford slowly rubbed his temples, feeling a splitting headache coming up. 

__

Will that idiot ever stop talking? He's been at it for nearly three hours straight now.

His temper had already been strained before the meeting, after he had had to find Schuldich, who had decided to leave the apartment without as much as a notification.

They had found him in town, claiming he had been shopping. 

__

Yeah, without any shopping-bags or money. And suspiciously close to a certain flowershop ...

The thought that the red-haired telepath might be messing around with Weiss set his blood boiling. Crawford had expressively forbidden such a thing to him.

__

Not that he ever listens to me.

As if he knew Crawford was thinking of him, Schuldich looked up at that moment and grinned.

__

: Bored by this pointless talking yet? I'm not even listening anymore. :

: Like you ever do. :

: Awww, you sound like you could use some cheering up. :

Before Crawford could reply to that statement, an image was hurled at him.

*blink*

__

Violet eyes sparkled with emotion, gazing into his own.

A pale hand reached out to touch his cheek, its touch soft like silk on his skin.

*blink*

"Crawford? Are you all right? You look a bit flustered."

Glaring at Schuldich, he nodded stiffly. "Please continue your fascinating speech, Takatori-san. I assure you there's nothing wrong with me."

__

Only that I'm possibly in love with your worst enemy.

~tbc~


	7. Meetings

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps.

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 25th april 2003, by Misura

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

**********

Meetings.

The most boring events ever invented. 

I have to attend because somehow Crawford thinks I might overhear something useful.

And because our employer wants me to tell him what people are thinking.

'Will he accept a lower offer?' 

'Is he serious about it?'

'Is what he says about that American company true?'

Three hours of things like that make me feel like a wrung-out towel.

On moments like these, I can easily hate Crawford.

He was the one who told me one day he would not tolerate a drugs-addict on his team.

I tried to comvince him I *needed* those painkillers.

He replied I could take an aspirin if my head hurt.

An aspirin. Yeah, right. Like that would help.

He hasn't the slightest idea what he's doing to me. He doesn't believe me when I tell him.

So now all I can do is trash around on my bed, stifling my screaming in a gag.

Because I'm definitely not going to let anyone in the house know how much it hurts.

I have my pride.

Besides, the only person who might actually be bothered by my cries would be Nagi, who can't go against Crawford any more than, well, Nagi. That boy is just so obedient!

Only never when it's me who tries to order him something.

It's always Crawford whose word is Nagi's command.

For a while, I even thought those two were going to end up as a couple.

Silly idea.

But at least it distracts me from my splitting headache.

The door to my room opens.

I didn't hear a knock, so it can only be one person.

I wonder what he's here for. 

I know better than to think he might be here because of me, because he doesn't want me to be in pain.

That's not his style.

Oh, he's not as bad as Farfarello who actually enjoys another person's anguish ; he just doesn't really care.

This evening though, it almost seems he does.

Soft, cool hands remove the gag, gently stroking the hair away from my face that's wet with sweat and lifting a glass of something to my lips.

Unhesitatingly I swallow. 

I may not think much of him, but I'm pretty sure that whatever the contents of that glass are he's not going to poison me. And if he wants me to drink it, well, it's not like I'm in any condition to offer any resistance, is it?

The pain numbs almost instantly, as if a switch has been turned. One moment, I'm seriously hurting, while the next, I feel just fine. Like I'm floating. Rather pleasant.

A very good surprise indeed.

"Thank you." I croak. "I don't know why, but thank you."

He strokes my hair again. It feels nice, so nice I'm almost starting to regret my decision to have him get cozy with Abyssinian, rather than taking him for myself.

Almost.

Tomorrow, I know, he will be just the same as he was before.

I wonder what has caused this care for my feelings all of a sudden.

It can't last. It just can't. I mean, it would be ....

"Thank you." I whisper again, before drifting into blissful oblivion.

*****

Crawford sighed as he put the still half-full glass on a table next to the bed.

Where Schuldich would have no trouble reaching it.

__

Not that he will wake up anytime soon.

As his hand reached for the doorknob, he saw it was trembling.

__

What am I doing?

Have I really just drugged a member of my team, someone who trusts me with his life, to be able to date a member of a hostile team without anyone noticing?

He even thanked me.

He felt sick to his stomach.

__

This is wrong.

I should not be doing this.

'Ah, but you did.' a colder part of his mind remarked. 'You just sedated Schuldich so he wouldn't be able to spy on you with his Gift. So why wouldn't you profit from this opportunity? The harm's already done. Might as well make the best of it.'

__

Make the best of it .... perhaps I should.

And I won't need more than this one time.

If I do it now, I will never have to do what I did tonight again.

~tbc~


	8. Naked

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps.

[!]Chapter warning : implied sex [as in : two men wake up naked in the same bed], Crawford slightly ooc perhaps?

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 4th april 2003, by Misura (yes, weird as it sounds I wrote the previous chapter after this one)

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

This chapter once again will be one with little Schuldich in it ; he's still unconscious.

**********

Naked.

He was naked ; his clothes were littered over the floor as if he had discarded them rather hastily.

__

What ... where am I? This isn't my room. Is this one of Yohji's stupid pranks?

"Hmmm. Aya?"

There was another person in the bed he had just left.

__

That is ... it can't be ... I never would ... NO!

*flashback*

"Why can't you face the truth, Abyssinian? You want me."

"Liar!" His katana arched down, slicing through the empty spot where his opponent had been.

"Your body wants me, then." Crawford amended. "And it's influencing your performance."

"Untrue!" He was breathing heavily now, exhausted from this cat-and-mouse game in which he no longer was sure who was playing with whom.

He had accepted tonight's mission, confident it would be an easy one-man mission. It had been too, until all of a sudden Crawford had appeared out of nothing.

__

At least he had the decency to wait for me to kill the target.

Wait, did I just bestow a virtue on a member of Schwarz?

"Oh? You have been trying to cut me for how long now? I don't even have a scratch. Aya, Aya, when are you going to face the truth? When will you stop hiding for it?"

"I am *not* hiding for the truth!" he shouted, lunging at Crawford, who stepped back.

*end flashback*

__

Who stepped back, tricking me into taking a step forward that sent me tripping.

And who then hit me over the head.

*flashback*

He was lying on something soft. A bed.

"Welcome back among the living, Aya."

He gave no indication of having regained consciousness, his mind racing.

__

What am I doing here, what does he want from me?

Why aren't my hands tied?

Is he that sure I won't attack him?

"I know you can hear me. I also know your teammembers are expecting you back only after at least three more hours. They will start worrying after nine, which gives us plenty of time."

"To do what?" he spat out. His eyes wandered around the room, looking for his katana. 

"To take care of both our problems." Crawford answered calmly. "After that, I will give you back your sword and you are free to go, with no one ever being the wiser."

"I don't have - "

"Oh please. We already discussed that. You do. As do I. It's a simple physical reaction. All it takes to get rid of it will be a simple physical act. No feelings attached."

"No feelings attached." he echoed. It sounded wrong somehow.

__

He's right though ; it *is* influencing me. 

So why wouldn't I try his solution?

What have I got to loose?

I lost my honor already, on the day I was unable to protect her I loved most of all ...

*end flashback*

"How long?" he asked softly.

"Five hours." Crawford replied, looking up at him with an unreadable emotion in his eyes.

He turned and began to gather his clothes, dressing himself as fast as he could. When he was done, he turned to the person on the bed again.

__

Why is he staring at me like that?

"My katana?" he held out his hand. "You promised I would get it back."

"It's over there." Crawford gestured.

Snatching it up, Aya walked to the door, opened it and left. He did not look back.

__

This will never happen again.

I did this to get rid of my unwanted attraction to an enemy, so that we could go back to being enemies. So that I might be able to kill him next time we meet.

And I will.

I will kill him.

I WILL KILL HIM!

Somehow it seemed even the birds greeting the dawn with their song were mocking him. They sang of love, life and affection. They sang of the hope a new day brought.

__

They sing of lies and illusions.

He doesn't have feelings for me any more than I do for him.

~tbc~


	9. Hope

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps.

[!]Chapter warning : implied sex [as in : two men wake up naked in the same bed], Crawford slightly ooc perhaps?

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 4th april 2003, by Misura (yes, weird as it sounds I wrote the previous chapter after this one)

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

This chapter will retell some of the events already described in the previous chapter, focused on Crawford rather than Aya this time. The end will have a bit of Schuldich.

**********

Hope.

The sweet seducing promise that's never fulfilled.

Crawford studied the person lying next to him and struggled against the temptation to give in.

To allow himself to hope.

In his sleep, Aya looked at peace. Innocent and vulnerable. Precious.

__

But not mine. _I should not forget that._

Though he could not remember it, he must have fallen asleep at some point in time.

He awoke when Aya rose, shaking his head groggily.

The redhead seemed to be disoriented, only slowly recalling what had happened and where he was. He looked, Crawford considered, adorably confused.

"Hmmm. Aya?"

*blink*

__

'Aya?'

'Hmmm?'

'Don't you think you should go now? Your teammembers may start worrying otherwise.'

'Let them. I don't care.'

*blink*

"How long?" Aya asked softly. If there was an emotion in his voice, Crawford could not hear it.

"Five hours." 

__

How does he feel about this, about us?

*blink*

__

Violet eyes stared down on him, cold and void of any feeling.

A katana was pointed at his throat, already pressed close enough to draw a thin line of blood.

'You took advantage of me.' Aya accused him. 'You raped me.'

He shook his head, careful not to cut himself. 'No. Never that.'

'I don't want to listen to your lies anymore.' Aya replied coolly.

And pushed down the katana.

Darkness.

*blink*

Aya was quick to get dressed again. Eager to leave. 

__

Is he running away again or does he truly have no feelings for me save hatred and disgust?

"My katana? You promised I would get it back."

"It's over there." 

As soon as the redhead was in possession of his sword again, he left, not sparing the other person another glance.

__

Because it might tempt him to stay?

Because it might tempt him to use his katana straight away and cause a scene?

At times like these, Crawford reflected bitterly, precognition was a curse.

He knew now that Aya might become his lover in every sense of the word.

Or his murderer. Both futures were equally strong possibilities.

Which meant something - or someone - would tip the scales, eliminating one of them.

__

But how can I find out what - or who - that is? 

I will have to play this very cautiously.

Schuldich, for one, would be extremely dangerous if he ever found out.

Nagi usually did as he was told and Farfarello was insane, so no one would pay any attention if the irishman would start rambling about him and Aya.

But the german telepath was both intelligent and unpredictable.

__

I will have to make sure he'll never see us together.

For me and Abyssinian will meet again.

And if he'd ever get the suspicion that what he feels comes from Schuldich, rather than from himself, it's sure to trigger a violent reaction.

The more he thought about it, the more likely it seemed the german would indeed be an important factor. 

Only why can I see just these two extremes?

Lover or killer, why not something somewhere in between?

Why not victim too?

I could defeat him. A gun against a katana ... long range against short range ...

Sighing, Crawford too rose and left the room. 

To go home again, where another redhead was still in a deep, dreamless sleep.

Completely ignorant of the turn events had just taken.

*****

"What do you mean : 'you're grounded' ?" I yell at Crawford.

To think that only the previous evening I almost started to like him!

"I am tired of your running around and causing trouble everywhere you go."

Nagi nods, like a parrot. Maybe I should have made some more attempts to befriend him, instead of teasing him all the time. In this, he might have been a useful ally.

"I don't do that, that's Farfarello you're describing!" I protest.

A yellow eye glares at me. This will not help my case.

"You are grounded. If you insists on behaving like a child, you will be treated as such." Crawford replies. "Now you can go and throw a tantrum on how unfair all this is."

I stop the words before they reach my tongue. If looks could kill though ...

~tbc~


	10. Despair

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps, one word of bad language.

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 7th april 2003, by Misura

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

This chapter, as well as some of the following, includes flashbacks. 

**********

Despair.

Such a bitter taste, galling my mood as well as killing my appetite for nearly anything.

I admit that, at the moment I threw the images of Aya at Crawford that afternoon, I didn't expect a big reaction. Certainly not in front of Takatori or anyone else for that matter.

But I had counted on some sort of reaction ; a clue however minimal to his true feelings.

Instead I got nothing save a glare and a headache.

That's three weeks ago now.

Since then we've encountered Weiss three times in battle, each time withdrawing with what we wanted and avoiding a direct confrontation at Crawford's orders.

He claims it's for our own wellfare ; like we couldn't handle them.

Still, I can't be sure of the meaning of his words. In the years I have worked with him I have come to believe in Crawford's visions and his ability to use them to our advantage.

And what should I think of not being allowed to go out on my own anymore? That really galls my mood too ; it means I have little distraction from my brooding on how I'm ever going to get the two of them together and even less opportunity to do something for that purpose.

I am sorely tempted to wish Crawford to Hell and just give up.

Only then I'd have absolutely nothing at all to do anymore.

*****

[four days earlier, night]

Aya kicked in the door to the room that was supposed to contain the disk with the information they were to retrieve. In the door-openeing he froze.

"What is it, man, walk on a little!" Yohji said annoyed, trying to push past him. Then he too saw what was in the room. "Oh. Seems like someone was here before us eh?"

Papers were lying all over the floor, the boxes containing the disks emptied of their contents.

"Schwarz." Aya hissed.

"Maybe. I'll tell Bombay what we found. You can search this mess ; who knows, maybe there's something useful in it they forgot to take."

"Unlikely." 

After half an hour of carefully going through all the papers spread on the floor, Yohji had to concede Aya had been right. Not that he really said so of course.

"This is pointless. We should go back to the others."

Aya merely nodded.

"Bombay, this is Balinese. Me and Abyssinian are on our way back. Anything we should watch for?"

"Siberian has requested assistance on the third floor near the elevators. Also, there seems to be a second computer-room which might be worth checking. I suggest the two of you split up."

Yohji glanced at Aya, who shrugged to say he didn't really care which of the two tasks he'd get.

"I will go and help Siberian, Abyssinian can take care of the other room. How come we didn't know of it sooner by the way?"

Omi remained silent for a moment. Then : "It must have been a recent change ; I noticed it only when I re-checked the map again just now. The blueprints I got from Manx didn't show anything of it."

*

As Aya tried the door he was surprised to find it open. And disappointed. If the door was unlocked it was highly likely Schwarz had been here too ; they'd probably broken down the lock.

After listening carefully, he entered the room. There was supposed to be a lightswitch somewhere on the wall, but it took him a few moments to find it, since it was located a bit further than usual from the door.

It was then that he noticed he was not alone in there after all. A nimble hand removed his communication-device and quickly got out of reach as he spun around with his katana in hand, while the room was still covered in darkness.

He was not going to risk being blinded while there might be an enemy ready to strike at him.

"Aren't you going to turn on the light, Aya?" a voice whispered, too soft to be sure of its identity, though he had a half-sick, half-excited feeling in his stomach he knew whom it belonged to.

"No." he said curtly, trying to locate the speaker.

A soft click sounded and the room bathed in light, blinding the redhead for a few moments. He instinctively raised his katana but nothing happened. His sight slowly returned, allowing him to see the room for the first time.

It was completely empty except for a table and two chairs, one of them occupied. 

__

This was a trap ; there never was a second computerroom. A stupid trick.

"Nagi did the computer-work." an amused voice informed him, no longer whispering. "I, of course, foresaw Balinese would send you to investigate rather than going himself."

"What do you want?" Aya spat out. "What do you want from me, Crawford?"

A flash of something -hurt? annoyance?- glittered into the other man's eyes. 

"I want nothing from you." His voice was calm as usual. "It is you who wants something from me."

Crawford held up a disk, gesturing to the other chair. "Sit down."

Aya hesitated, then obeyed.

__

Why is he doing this? Is he really going to *give* me the disk?

Crawford smiled. "Very sensible of you. Now, if you continue to be sensible, things will turn out fine for both you and me. I want something from you, and you want something from me. I therefore propose an exchange."

Aya narrowed his eyes. He didn't like the way the precog was looking at him, like a cat inspecting a nice, fat mouse it was about to swallow. 

"We agreed that what happened two weeks ago would never happen again." he said icily. "And I for one intend to keep that agreement."

"I don't." Crawford's voice had cooled down as well. "And I suggest you reconsider. Think about it, Aya. You only have to gain by this. Your teammembers don't have to know anything ; you can just go home and meet me in the same place as before."

Aya frowned. "What about the disk?"

"I'll give it to you if you promise you'll come. I trust your word."

__

I want this. I want the mission to be a success. And I want ... him too. I hate him.

"Very well then."

Crawford tossed the disk in his direction, using the lightswitch near the table to put the lights out at the same time. Aya's right hand closed firmly around his prize.

"Don't be late." A voice drifted from the direction of the door.

Then he was alone.

*****[back to the present]*****

I have pined my mind for ways to set up a meeting between them in a neutral or even peaceful environment, but both of them hardly seem to be doing anything not related to work.

Siberian has soccer, Bombay has computers, Balinese has clubs and bars, Abyssinian has ... what?

He can't live completely without any kind of relaxation. Katana-practice and visiting your only living relative who is comatose aren't exactly stress-relieving either.

So how does he do it? How does he keep his sanity?

~tbc~


	11. Pain

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps, one word of bad language.

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 13th april 2003, by Misura

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

Nagi isn't very nice in here. Sorry. Time/scene shifts once.

**********

Pain.

It lances through my ankle as soon as I try to get up after having been surprised by one of the guards of this place we're supposed to clear.

I shot him, of course, but he shouldn't have been there. Or rather, a certain Oracle should have warned me for him.

Normally it might have been his way to tell me I should behave better, but I've been very good recently. And grounded too. That's a rare combination.

This morning he told me that if this mission was successful, I would be free to go out again.

I thanked him. I was *grateful*.

And now this.

How are my plans ever going to work out if I keep being immobilized?

*

[five days earlier, morning (after the night described in the previous chapter, that is)]

"Aya-kun! Where have you been all night?" Omi jumped up from his seat at the kitchen table as soon as he saw the redhead walking in.

"Did you have a date?" Yohji smirked, while Ken just looked at him uncertain of what to say.

__

Why did they have to notice? Why did they have to wait up for me?

And what am I going to tell them?

Why didn't he warn me this would happen?

"I am not like you, Kudoh." he snapped, deciding an attack might be his best defense. "And it's no one's business where I go or what I do with my time. The mission was over, so I was free to do whatever I felt like. And I felt like taking a walk."

"A rather long walk." Yohji replied.

"What are you suggesting by that? I trust Aya! If he says he went for a walk, well, then I believe him. Why would he lie?" Ken spoke up for the first time, hotly.

__

Good, old Ken, always so honest and trusting. What would you think of me if you knew where I really was? If you knew I lied to all of you, not once, but often?

"Let's not argue." Omi said, glancing at Yohji and Ken sternly. "Aya-kun is back, safe and well. So now we should all get some sleep. We'll talk about this later."

"Sure, Omi." Ken and Yohji chorused, knowing fully well what the consequences of earning Omi's annoyance were, while Aya merely nodded.

__

Let's hope they'll forget about it. I don't want to talk about it to them.

[back to the present]

*

"Schuldich? Are you all right?"

Nagi? Isn't he supposed to be home?

He lifts me from the floor (with his Gift, of course ; he's not that strong physically).

"I think I sprained my ankle." I moan, careful not to whine.

I don't want to annoy him, not in this position.

He frowns. "You should have been more careful. Crawford will be angry."

To both our surprise, he isn't. He simply nods as Nagi walks into the office we're to clean of any evidence on what was going on in this building.

"You have Schuldich, good."

"Good?!" This time I do whine. "I won't be able to walk for days!"

Nagi glares at me, while Crawford doesn't even look up from the papers he's going through.

"It's your own fault." he remarks coldly. "I told you to take care."

"You didn't tell me why. It's not fair!"

Ignoring my complaint, he rises. "We're done here. Let's go."

"Braaad! I want an explanation!"

I think I have a right to one.

Or maybe two.

"Ouch!"

Nagi has finally lost his patience and puts me back on my two feet again, causing my ankle to protest. I crash to the floor, only barely able to keep my face from hitting the floor.

Hands help me up. Real hands this time.

"Nagi, get back to the car." He sounds angry. And ... guilty?

"Are you okay, Schuldich?" Is there worry in his voice? Impossible!

"My ankle feels like it's broken and I just crashed on the floor. What do you think?"

I sound agressive, an instinctive response to the defensive undertone I sense in his words.

He stiffens, going cold all over again. He doesn't drop me though. I'm lucky.

"I wanted to go clubbing tonight you know." I wail. I'm pushing it, I know.

I too like to dance with danger. Plus it distracts me from the pain.

I never take painkillers ; they mess up my Gift too much.

"I know. I'm sorry." he replies, helping me into the elevator.

Did he just apologized to me?

"That's not much of a comfort." I answer. He looks away. I press my case. "Why weren't you more specific in your warning?"

"I told you my Gift doesn't show me every little detail."

I mutter something. That's such a cheap excuse!

Do you ever hear *me* blaming the limits of my Gift for my mistakes? Of course not!

Aside from the fact that I never make faults, I have teammembers to accuse.

"Schuldich ... I know how much you hate being tied down to one place. I promise you'll be fully recovered in two days, if you only give the leg enough rest."

He sounds friendly, almost apologetic. Well, maybe not if you're not telepathically gifted or don't know what he usually sounds like but ... he behaves quite oddly.

Suspiciously.

Is something going on I should know about?

I wish it was him who had sprained an ankle. Then maybe he would have taken those painkillers I hate and I could have taken a look in his head.

*

The next morning the phone of the 'Kitten in the house'-flowershop started to ring.

It was exactly 11:43.

Aya sprinted to the phone, earning a smirk from Yohji and a surprised look from Ken.

His heart pounded as he picked up the horn.

"Yes?"

"This evening, at five at the usual place. I thought we could have dinner together."

"That's fine. Have a pleasant day."

He hung up, noticing that both his teammates were staring at him.

"What?"

"Who was that, Aya?" Ken asked, too curious to keep silent.

"Yes, Aya. Who is important enough to you to make you run to the phone like that?" Yohji echoed, his tone of voice hinting he had some idea.

"It was just someone who had dialed the wrong number."

"We got that impression, yes." Yohji grinned. "But that's not an answer to *my* question."

The soft sound of bells announced the arrival of a customer and Aya immediately grasped the opportunity to get away from Yohji's questions. 

For the first time in a very long period, Aya was be more than happy to have some not-buying-just-looking customers around.

~tbc~


	12. Violet

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 29th april 2003, by Misura

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

Chapter warning : the word 'sex'

**********

Violet.

The colour of Aya's eyes, so cold and cruel, as that lovely mouth spat out words of denial, words of accusation, words of hatred.

Crawford felt himself drowning in them, not caring whether he died here or lived to see another day. It made no difference, not anymore. 

"Aya, please!"

His hand was swatted away. 

__

'Crawford?'

Ignoring the furious look the redhead threw at him he reached out again, to touch, if only for the last time ...

__

'CRAWFORD! Would you mind letting go of me?'

He opened his eyes to find himself lying in his bed. Well, sitting actually. And in the process of strangling Schuldich.

__

I'm sooo glad I wear pajamas. This would be even more embarrassing if we were both naked.

Releasing his hold on the redhead - _the wrong one_ - he tried to regain control of the situation.

__

What's he doing in my room, anyway?

"What do you want?" he asked, brushing some imaginary dust from Schuldich's clothing. "And get out of my bed, by the way ; I want to keep it clean."

"Humph. You were eager enough to have me there a few moments ago." the telepath sputtered. He did get out though, to Crawford's immense relief.

__

Now, how to convince him not to mention this affair to anyone else?

And just how much has he heard?

"Soooo, " Schuldich grinned, " you have the hots for Abyssinian eh? I always thought there was something special between the two of you, but now I know for sure."

__

Uh, oh. 

"The only urge I feel around any member of Weiss is to get rid of him as soon as possible." Crawford replied coolly. "Just because sex is the first thing on *your* mind doesn't mean the rest of the world thinks like that too."

Schuldich giggled, making Crawford wonder if maybe the telepath was drunk or something. 

"And aren't you supposed to be resting your leg?" he added, jumping at an opportunity to change the subject.

"First you want me to get up from a comfortable, restful position, and now you're worried about me? Make up your mind, Brad. Besides, it feels as good as new." 

"That's good." Crawford said.

__

That's bad. Now what can I come up with to keep him from wandering around the town?

Or reading Aya's mind, for that matter? That would give everything away!

"So, I can go back to my own room now? Do I get a goodnight kiss for my trouble?"

"No. Just go away."

"Sweet dreams, Brad."

"Don't - "

" - call you that? Oh please, it's in the middle of the night. Give me a break, will you?"

"Good night, Schuldich."

*****

"You smell like sex." Yohji remarked to Aya as the four members of Weiss were gathered around the kitchentable for breakfast.

"Yohji-kun!" Omi exclaimed with a furious blush, while Ken made a choking noise.

"What?" Yohji asked with an innocent look. "It's true."

"Sex, " Omi started, his blush even brighter as the word left his lips, " is not a subject for discussion at breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner. Or any time in between."

Ken nodded emphatically. 

"Besides, Aya-kun doesn't .... do that kind of things."

Ken nodded some more. The image of Aya, ice-cold, don't-touch-me-or-I'll-kill-you Aya being intimate with anyone simply wasn't right. 

__

Besides, he would have told us, wouldn't he?

If there was someone that important in his life, he would have let us know.

"Why don't you let *Aya* reply to my observation?" Yohji asked. "I haven't heard any denial from his side yet. So speak up, Aya, who's the lucky girl? Or is it a guy?"

"I don't have to listen to this." Aya said, shoving his bowl away and briskly walking to the shop.

"Yohji-kuuuun!" Omi sounded angry. "Look what you've done! We have breakfast together so very few times already and now you've ruined it with you stupid teasing!"

"Yes, Yohji! Why can't you leave the poor guy alone? His life's hard enough already!" Ken added.

Aya sighed.

__

You don't know by half how right you are in that Ken.

It's nice of you to stick up for me though. I never did anything to deserve it.

You and Omi ... only recently I realize how special the two of you are. How valuable.

As to Yohji ... does he really know anything? Does it really show? Or is he just probing, poking me until he gets a response?

I don't know. I don't know anything for sure anymore.

~tbc~


	13. Sleep

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 4th may 2003, by Misura

_italics_ indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

**********

Sleep.

The furthest thing from my mind right now.

I have the feeling things are moving. Things out of my control, even out of my sight.

And I don't like it one bit.

Oh, I'm nowhere as bad as Crawford ; it's not like I'm a control-freak.

I simply want to know if something's going on right under my nose.

Somehow though I'm losing my grip, have lost it perhaps already.

Crawford's more tense by the day.

Aya's somehow gained the ability to shield his mind.

Instinct tells me those two events are connected, have to be connected but how and why I can't say. I would know it if they had met, wouldn't I?

They fight any time they meet, don't they?

I'm beginning to wonder ...

*****

Crawford stared out of the window of his office.

The sky was clear and blue ... _like his eyes._

He turned his head away, catching a glimpse of the autumnleaves that were whirling down.

They were red ... _like his hair._

He sighed.

_Why can't I stop thinking about him?_

_I hoped that us meeting eachother, touching eachother would change things for the better._

_I hoped that it would allow me to kill him someday, that it would rid me of this desire I feel to protect him, to cherish him, to give myself up to him._

_To love him._

_Instead it grows stronger every time we meet._

_Soon, he will no longer allow himself to be caught._

_Because unlike me, Aya *can* get over me. He's stronger than I am._

_And yet ... he has never refused to come._

_He has never forbidden me to touch him ever again._

_What would I do if he did?_

_Would I have the strength to let him go?_

_Would I have the strength to make him stay?_

_I wish I could talk to someone about this._

*****

"Hey, Aya, could you help me with - " Ken said, tapping the redhead lightly on the shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Aya spun around, a cold fury in his eyes. Ken stumbled back, surprised.

"A-aya? Are you all right?" he stammered. Though usually the other man was not the most cordial person around, his glares were usually reserved for non-customers and ...

"Has Yohji been bothering you again?" Ken demanded. 

"No. It's not ... A little." Aya looked away.

_Ken's so open. He'd never hide something from us. He wouldn't even be able to._

_It's hard to lie to him too, like his honesty rubs off somehow._

_But I can't tell him or anyone else the truth, I just can't._

_They'd kill me. Or, worse, they might kill him._

_Our enemy._

_Servant of my enemy, the almost murderer of my entire family._

_I don't love him._

_I merely find him ... attractive. Interesting. _

_I'll get over him._

_I just need some more time._

_To make me stop needing him._

"I'll talk to him, Aya." Ken promised.

"No!" Aya said sharply. "Don't!"

_I can sort this out myself. I don't want Ken to get involved with Schwarz too._

Ken blinked. "But Aya, you said it yourself ; he's pestering you again over that stupid idea of his that you're seeing someone, while he promised he'd stop. Yohji's just a - "

"Yohji?" A blank look.

"Did someone call my name?"

_Speaking of the devil ..._

Ken turned on him immediately. "Yeah, and it wasn't in a kind context. Aya-kun told me you've been bothering him again with your silly prodding. Like he'd have a girlfriend! Or a boyfriend!"

Yohji smirked. "Ow, Kenken, I'm hurt. How can you doubt my given word? And how can you insult Aya like that? Seems to me you're the offender around here."

"How did I insult Aya?!" Ken demanded. "I would never do that! I have respect for my friends, unlike certain other persons."

"You implied Aya would never be able to find someone special. Someone to really love him. That's not true Ken. You should know better." There was a serious edge to Yohji's voice and his smirk had faded. "Everyone is capable of finding someone like that."

"Even Schwarz?" Ken spat out the word. "Those - "

"Even them. So that means Aya can do it too. If he has done it already, I'm not going to bother him about it, Ken, and not just because I gave you and Omi my word." __

"I have work to do." Ken said, storming off. Yohji sighed.

"Soooo, Aya, care to tell me which of us is right?"

"Excuse me?"

"Is Ken right? Don't you want any attachments anymore after ... what happened in the past?"

"I ... don't have to answer that."

Yohji raised one eyebrow. "You seem to be awfully evasive recently, Aya. Makes me wonder if maybe my little joke the other day was closer to the truth than I had thought."

Aya's glare was enough to make the blond take one step back and raise his hands in a defending gesture. "Then again, maybe not. It's your own business after all. Not mine."

Staring after Yohji's departing figure, Aya sighed.

_That was far too close to the mark._

_He's wrong though ; if I continue to see Crawford, it *is* Weiss' business._

_Who knows what information he may have gained from me already._

_I haven't seen that redhaired telepath around yet, but for all I know he may have been nearby all the time, plucking my mind while I was ... distracted._

_I should know better than to think Crawford wants to see me for myself._

_Love, lust, hah! Those feelings aren't ones anyone can feel for me._

~tbc~


	14. Autumn

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 6th may 2003, by Misura

_italics_ indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

**********

Autumn.

The season that paints the leaves on the trees in the colors of my hair, causing them to fall.

Not my favorite time of year.

"Crawford's gone." Farfarello remarks, interrupting my thoughts. "Since yesterday evening."

"What's that to me? He can take care of himself." I snap back.

I would know it if he was in trouble ; he could reach me anywhere if he needed help.

Plus, he has his gift to warn him for trouble. I'm not worried.

"I wasn't saying it because I doubted that." Farfarello admonishes me, as if he's the sane one.

"Then why?"

"What are *you* doing when you stay out at night?" Farfarello smirks. "I hadn't thought Crawford would be the kind of person to do a thing like that but .... "

He has to be kidding!

I mean, he can't seriously be thinking that Crawford would ... would ....

" ... Then again, I suppose he's only human." Farfarello muses. "Though from the looks you exchange sometimes I would have betted the two of you had something going on ... "

Me and Crawford?!

That's it ; he's insane! Not that there ever was any doubt about that of course.

Still, it might be useful to know where Crawford is.

"I'll check his location after I've had breakfast."

He shrugs. "Do what you want. Just don't kill anyone."

"Why would I?"

"Jealousy?"

"I'm *not* in love with Crawford!"

"No? Then what were you doing a few nights ago, coming out of his room with your clothes and hair in a mess?"

"Since you were locked in the basement at that hour, you must have dreamt about that."

"Nagi told me. He was worried. Crawford's not exactly a very loving person."

Maybe I should enlist the chibi's aid in this. He seems to see a lot more than I thought.

"Well, you can tell him he has no reason to worry on my account."

On Crawford's though ... he may help me because of that.

*****

"Aya ... "

"I could kill you now."

"Yes, you could." Crawford's voice sounded tired, but not from a lack of sleep.

His lack of reaction annoyed Aya somehow.

"Maybe I should do it too."

"Maybe." Crawford replied in the same toneless voice.

_Like he doesn't care._

_Like what I do makes no difference to him._

"Do you want me to? Is that why you made me come here last night?"

"If I wanted to die, there are a lot of easier ways." A hint of a smile, without any real amusement.

"Then why?" Aya nearly screamed the question. "Why do you keep doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing this to hurt you, Aya." That weariness again. "I'm sorry if you feel it that way."

_I don't. If I'm completely honest with myself, I have to admit I almost enjoy this._

_Almost look forward to meeting him again._

"Explain it to me then." he demanded. "Explain why you make me risk my life for ... for this."

He gestured to the bed, the room. 

Crawford hesitated. "I can't. I thought the first time ... but it didn't. I have to see you again and again, until one of us dies. I lack the strength to stop it."

"Until one of us dies?" Aya echoed, sceptically. "Don't you mean : until I die? Kritiker will not look kindly upon one of its agents having a relationship with on of the bodyguards of their biggest enemy."

Another hint of a wry smile. "Estet won't either."

"You haven't told them?"

It seemed unreal somehow. Crawford seemed like the kind of person who always reported anything, the kind of person most like Aya himself.

_Though I haven't reported our meetings either._

"Of course not."

_Why do I believe him?_

_It goes against everything I know about him._

"Then how are you going to explain having been gone all night to them?" Aya demanded. He had the excuse of yet another one-man mission. Schwarz though seemed to function mainly as a group. He had rarely encountered any of them without the others being nearby.

_Except Crawford that is._

"I'm not. They have learned not to question me."

Aya frowned. "But they're your team."

"So?"

"Don't you care about what they think of you?"

"Why would I?" Crawford seemed honestly puzzled. 

"Because they're your responsibility." Aya replied. 

"Like Weiss is yours?"

"Yes."

Crawford considered for a moment, the tired look finally disappearing from his eyes.

"I don't think it's the same. Weiss is not Schwarz. You are friends, not merely co-workers."

_Friends? Are Ken, Yohji and Omi my friends?_

_I never considered them as such._

_Why would he say that, unless he believes it though?_

As he was about to ask further, he heard the running footsteps. Someone was coming upstairs.

Fast and not bothering to try to be quiet.

He felt Crawford stiffen, thus silently answering the question on his tongue ; if the other man knew who was coming. Apparently the Oracle was just as surprised as he was. 

_It should make me feel better but it doesn't._

The door to the room was slammed wide open and jade eyes widened as they took in the sight.

_Schuldich ..._

~tbc~


	15. Astonishment

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, bits of fluff perhaps

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 9th may 2003, by Misura

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

**********

Astonishment.

I stand in the door-opening, not knowing what to say. What to do. Where to look.

They are both barely dressed, yet neither of them seems uncomfortable with that situation.

They must have done this before.

"Schuldich." Crawfords voice is ice-cold. I hear death in it. My death to be precise.

"No." Aya's voice, just as cold. I can here the fire beneath it though.

"He knows." Crawford says. "He will betray us."

What?

Doesn't he know the trouble I went through to get the two of them together?

How can he even consider the possibility of me telling on him?

"He's your teammember." Aya replies. "You can't."

"Yes I do. I have no choice."

His mind is so much of a whirling mix of emotions I can't make any sense of it. There's a deep feeling for Aya, I would call 'love', but there's also something very much alike connected to me, Farfarello and Nagi. Like he cares about us.

Somehow though he seems to think he has to choose.

That's so stupid! It makes me angry enough to refind my tongue.

"Listen, you idiot! I'm *not* going to betray anyone to Estet! If you think I'd do any of those creeps a favor, you're dead wrong. I hate them just as much as you do."

"You do?" He sounds almost pityful. "I never knew."

I roll my eyes. "Then you must be blind, as well as stupid."

A flash of anger.

"You do wear glasses you know." Aya remarks, surprising me.

Abyssinian showing a sense of humor?

What's this world coming to?

"If you're lying ... " Crawford starts ominously. He simply doesn't seem to be able to say 'thank you' and leave it there. Why can't he simply trust me?

"I'm not." I reply, at the same time Aya says : "He's not."

Crawford's glare tells me he does not appreciate Aya's siding with me.

Maybe I should get out of here before I do any further damage.

It's not like I can do anything useful after all.

"Don't stay too long. Farf was missing you already." I softly close the door behind me.

Only as I'm walking home again, the irony of the situation hits me.

And I realize I have to look around for a new hobby.

*****

"What?" Aya calmly returned Crawford's glare. "It's true ; he isn't going to turn you in."

"And pray, how would *you* know that? Can you read minds too all of a sudden?"

"I can read people. Unlike you, it seems."

Crawford looked away. "I want to believe you. Believe him."

"But you're afraid to, aren't you?"

"Wouldn't you?" Crawford asked. "Would you be comfortable with one of Weiss knowing about us?"

"No." Aya admitted. "But I wouldn't consider killing them for finding out either."

"Not even for a moment?"

"Perhaps. I'd never do it though."

"Neither would I."

"It looked a lot like you would."

Crawford shrugged. "I can't show any weakness to my team, especially not Schuldich. He'd exploit it, use it against me. They all would. It's how they are."

"Maybe you're wrong."

"They're *my* team, Aya. I know them."

"As well as you do Schuldich?" Aya demanded.

Crawford sighed. "Let's not argue about this. We should go home."

Aya nodded, then thought of something. "You really care about me, don't you? I mean, not just as a distraction from your daily work but as a ... lover."

The word tasted strange on his lips. He had never thought of anyone in that role before.

"Yes, I do. I ... love you." Crawford's voice was very soft.

Aya said nothing to that. He simply hurried into his clothes and out of the door.

Crawford watched him walking away out of the window. The redhead didn't look back once.

__

He didn't tell me he loved me too.

Is it because he doesn't? Is he just using me, as I may have meant to use him?

*****

I was right when I said Crawford was blind.

Not that Aya's any better.

They may have dated on their own ; if they keep behaving like they are now, they will break up one day soon, without ever realizing what they'd be throwing away.

Their love.

Their lifes.

Their sanity.

I must admit it would have been much nicer to be responsible for having them come together, but it will be nice to keep them that way too. And only a little less difficult.

~tbc~

Endnote : Next chapter may be last.


	16. Eternally dancing

Eternally dancing

Warnings/notes : Schuldich pov, Crawford x Aya, Schuldich/Yohji, bits of fluff perhaps

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 11th may 2003, by Misura, last part

__

italics indicate events in dreaming/visions or thoughts.

**********

Eternity.

Crawford whispered the word, savoring its taste on his lips.

"What?" Aya mumbled sleepily.

"Eternity. That's how long I want us to be together." 

"Not very realistic." the redhead commented.

Crawford shrugged. "It's just a wish. Wishes don't have to be realistic."

"Perhaps not." Aya looked pensive.

"What would you wish for us then?" Crawford asked a bit peevishly.

"Maybe more nights like this one?" Aya suggested.

"You only want me at night?"

"Of course not!"

"Well then."

It remained silent in the room for a moment. Then : "I think I share your wish."

It was the closest the redhead had ever come to saying those three words he couldn't seem to get past his lips : _I love you._

Crawford smiled.

*****

Dancing.

I like to do it, though part of the fun is the company of course.

Tonight's is excellent, nearly as good a dancer as I am.

"You know, you're not half bad at this." he remarks, almost echoeing my thoughts.

He's rather vain, slightly arrogant, a lot like me actually.

He was the last one Aya told.

He told Bombay first, though I can't see the logic in telling the most fanatic member of your team you're sleeping with the enemy before you tell anyone else. Maybe it's his looks.

And he didn't take it that bad. By the time he had gotten over his initial surprise he was even capable of congratulating Aya and wishing him happiness. 

Siberian was next. As I could have predicted, he nearly went through the roof at the news. I think the mere fact of his leader having any kind of intimate relationship amazed him more than the identity of his lover or the fact that it was a 'he' rather than a 'she'.

That left my current companion.

Balinese. Flirt-par-excellence Yohji Kudoh. 

His reaction was a mix of the other two. In the end though, he told Aya he was glad for him. Though he may not look or sound like it very often, he's not as simple as some people may think after meeting him.

If he was what he often seems to be, I wouldn't be here with him tonight.

I would have used him, let him use me and moved on.

Instead ...

"Tired already?" There's a soft purr to his voice.

Of all members of Weiss, this one reminds me of the cats they're code-named for most often.

Aya may move like one in a fight, Yohji has the attitude of one from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep. And even when he's sleeping he tends to curl up against me.

"Of course not. Just thinking."

"Don't break your pretty head."

"That's a really stupid thing to say, you know that?"

"You're distracting me too much to come up with anything better."

We may sound a bit silly, but it's just a game of words we play really.

Both of us are talkers, like Crawford and Aya are both silent types.

I'm told they don't even say 'I love you' to eachother. I don't understand them.

"I do feel a bit tired though. Maybe we should go somewhere to ... rest."

Now *that* is something I do understand.

I grin up at Yohji.

"Sounds like a plan."

All right, so maybe we won't last eternally.

For the moment though, it works.

It works very well.

So if you'll excuse me now, I have someone waiting for me ...

~OWARI~


End file.
